I have decided that what you pay for most in clothing is not a big name or a great fabric (let's face it, cotton is cotton) but good draping. True that sometimes great draping is due to the fabric, but more often it has to do with little stitching details and great cuts. And these are priceless. Since I am around clothes all day, it is inevitable that I become obsessed with clothing shape. I'm getting to the point where I can pick out the most expensive piece dress in a line up of 10. It goes like this: "Oooh, I like that. Surprise, surprise it's Catherine Malendrino."
Of course this is a good thing for my job, but for my personal shopping life, it makes it hard to want to buy anything but the best. To illustrate my crisis, I walked through the entire Target store a few days back and wanted NOTHING. Usually a fan of the store, I just saw all the clothes as cheap (it was also a getto Target, to its credit). But on the bright side, if this snobbery escalates, I may not be able to afford anything I like to the point where I'm not buying anything. Good news. I bring this all up, because this skirt's price hovers around the $300 point. Of course, there's nothing great about the print. It's probably silk, but even that doesn't constitute the price tag. But the draping? Amazing. And hard to find. For that reason, I'm calling this ensemble, "Drape it to Me."
The problem about writing about every other episode is trying to remember what the heck they were about by the time I get around to posting. But I will recount the big news. After "pity-fucking" Steve once after his operation to get his cancerous testicle removed, Miranda finds out she's pregnant. At first she decides to get an abortion, but she can't go through with it. She breaks the news to her friends that she will be having a baby. Charlotte, on the other hand, can't get pregnant. After testing Trey's sperm, Charlotte gets her own fertility checked and is informed that she has a genetic condition that makes getting pregnant normally highly unlikely. Carrie and Aidan spend more time in the country. Big calls Carrie to tell her that his movie star girlfriend has dumped him and left him brokenhearted. He begs to talk, even when that means coming to Aidan's country home. While there, the two boys duke all their past issues out and make some sort of peace. Samantha is refused a job because she's a woman with an active sexual past. After crying for the first time in her career, she decides to fight and gets hired.
Though it's only 7:00 pm, I feel exhausted. Since I'm now on the super early schedule at work (get up at 4:45, at work by 6), 7 feels like 11, even though the sun hasn't set. It's very strange. What a difference there is between being at work at 6 and 7. There is a world in that hour. Who knew? However, it is still better than the late shift. And I just realized today that we can play our own CDs in the mornings before customers come. Good news, which just may have saved me from death by Lady Gaga.
Frankly, I think the whole boyfriend being friends with your ex is a little ridiculous. I mean, isn't it complicated enough being friends with an ex yourself? Must you expect your beau and old flame to get along as well? Now, on to the topic of pregnancy and abortion...fun, fun.
I really don't have much to say about this (surprise). I have not been pregnant before (thanks, Plan B) and have thus haven't had to deal with such a life-altering decision about whether or not to keep a baby. At one point, Aidan says to Carrie, "Well, if Miranda doesn't want the kid, can't she just give it to Charlotte?" Oh, men. If only it were that simple. That would be really nice.
But it's not that simple, is it? When you're ready, you're ready and you want it to be perfect. Perfect doesn't mean raising your friend's baby. Perfect means preparing to feel something grow inside of you, knowing that from that moment on, much if not most of your life will be devoted to something so much smaller, but oh so much larger than yourself. And when you're not ready, you're not ready. And the whole experience takes on terrifying magnitude I swear only soldiers preparing for battle would understand.
I was talking with a good friend the other day about having kids. I'm 28 and in a committed relationship, so naturally I often get the question of whether or not I want children (right after the other question). My answer has always been, "Oh yeah, of course" until just recently. It's not that I don't want kids. I do. It's just that the older I get and the more years that go by where I'm "just not ready," the more I wonder if kids are in the cards. I think they are. In fact, I know they are. What I don't know is how I'll know when (or if) I'm ready. I'm getting a little worried that the readiness just ain't coming. I don't have forever, and there are quite a few things that need to happen before children can even be a feasible option.
My friend, who also wants kids, was saying that her sister (37, married, with two little tykes) wasn't sure either until she was sure. According to my friend, it was sort of an overnight change, where she just woke up one morning and knew she was stable and self-confident enough to bring another life into this world. This shift happened when she was 32. So there's hope.
I just realized that I am starting to be able to relate to the show I write about. I'm starting to realize the panic that sets in when you realize you're not young anymore, even if you aren't old. I get the struggle between independence and relationship, between career and family. I didn't ten years ago when I first started watching. I'm not even sure I related to the characters a year ago. For some reason, maybe it's the job or living with a partner in a new city, but I feel like I've aged a lot this year. I may not yet be 35, but it will come before I know it. Will I be any different than I am now? Will I be where I want to be and be ready to take the next steps in life?
I say this, and I immediately start reprimanding myself. Panic does no good in any situation and certainly not in this one. If having children doesn't happen naturally, at least to where I can feel peaceful about having the process, than it doesn't happen. If it happens later, it happens later. I am convinced worrying often leads to irrational decisions that end up causing a fair degree of angst later. Besides, there's no use rushing something like having children that can never be slowed down later.
True, I get excited about kids. Every time I see the toddler outfits at the store, I croon. Hank's cousin has a baby I dote on so much that I'm sure his parents think I'm a loon. But somehow the thought of having a child myself is so different. I'm just not ready. I'm not. And I have to think that women know when they are and when they're not, and that there's no better gauge of timing for starting a family than good old intuition.
But if it happened, I would let it. I don't think I could get an abortion. It's not so much that I think it's immoral as much as I would just be too sad to give a baby up. But I'm hoping I won't have to decide any of this too soon. For now, I'm going to focus on getting health insurance through work, a Colorado driver's license, and great blonde highlights. There's a lot to be said for appreciating where you're at.
I hope you'll be back. I will.
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