Now is a good time to talk about proportions and balance in an outfit. Here, the billowy top counters the skinny jeans and makes for a very flattering silhouette. Now, imagine baggy pants with this top. Not great, right? Since the top is loose, loose bottoms would only make a person look bigger; nothing is showing the form underneath the clothing. The same idea applies when choosing pants to go with a form-fitting top. If you pair it with skinny bottoms like these, you run the risk of looking flashy (or trashy), in other words showing too much form. But trouser jeans would look great. We'll call this ensemble, "Balanced Outfit, Balanced Gal."
I just realized something, and I don't like it. I realized that I take (or don't take) a large percentage of action based on emotions alone. Not so bad, you may say. But for a passionate person like myself, that can mean a lot of passionate actions, not all of them healthy for anyone. For example, when I'm mad, I often can't write. I don't want to eat. I just want to sit and stew in my frustration and hurt and do nothing productive. Instead of getting emotional and then moving on, I seem to be unable to successfully do the latter. Consequently, a bad phone call with my mother or an argument with Hank can leave me literally paralyzed. On the other hand, when I'm happy, I can forget all reason and buy a triple-shot Americano at 8pm, understanding full well that I will not be able to sleep that night. Maybe I'm normal; maybe I'm neurotic and compulsive. Only God (and a good psychologist) will ever know.
This doesn't have much (or anything) to do with today's episodes. It just has to do with life. Regarding SATC, I'll cut to the chase. Carrie and Aidan break up. It seems about time. Even though things appear to be good overall with them, Carrie's doubts and some of her actions (who wears their engagement ring around their neck and repeatedly forgets to tell people she's engaged?) point towards an ending. The producers probably want it this way. Carrie postpones the wedding, saying that she's not ready for marriage. Aidan, in a moment of frustration and honesty, says that he is and that if she's not ready now, she'll never be.
Things aren't much cheerier for the other women. Charlotte and Trey decide to get a divorce, since Charlotte can't give up on the idea of having children. Trey tells her she can keep the house she spent months remodeling. Charlotte tries to find outlets to keep her from grieving, but a breakdown ensues. Samantha, to her surprise, finds herself in love with Richard, her boss, and desiring monogamy. Richard isn't on the same page. Newly-pregnant Miranda wonders why she isn't more excited to learn she's having a boy. She also breaks her big news to her law firm, which she is sure will cost her career dearly.
Dour subject matter for sure. Actually, I was surprised to feel sadder about the demise of Trey and Charlotte's marriage than about Carrie and Aidan. It just always seemed Carrie was using the poor guy and really not that interested in him for who he was. He was always too something--too rugged, too nosey, too "perfect." In other words, not Big. I saw their relationship as a resting place before more drama (okay, yes I knew they were breaking up, but I think I thought they were doomed the first time I saw the series, too). With Charlotte and Trey, there was deep emotion. In their good times (even if there weren't as many as rough times), they were on the same page, even if that page came from a romance novel.
The actors behind the latter two characters are also much better than SJP (I've said this before), and they did a heart-wrenching job of depicting how a marriage can slowly fall apart. Over ten or so episodes, we were able to see the couple go from silly fights to total alienation, and it all seemed believable and like the natural progression of things. There wasn't a time when the characters appeared to be over-dramatizing small things or not trying their hardest. It just fell apart.
It was scary. I won't lie. It wasn't long ago in my viewing experience that Charlotte was head-over-heels in love with Trey, and when Trey was madly in love with her back. Yes, the baby thing (and the sex thing) was a huge "red flag," but I still thought it was something drugs and a therapist could solve. It all seemed like a question of ill-functioning equipment. Until it wasn't. Then, it became about unfulfilled desire and frustration. Then, that grew into anger and blame. Then it displaced itself into a desire to have children, then a frustration with that, then anger, and so on. After the last episode, I just felt so sorry (and worn out) for them both.
And it made me realize how fragile love is and how there are no sure things in relationships. Little actions now may lead to mega emotions later. Things that go unresolved presently can lead to train wrecks later on. At the same time, you can talk out these issues all you want to (Trey and Charlotte tried), and things can still not work. It wasn't like either character said "F it" to the other's desires. Their desires were just incompatible, or the accumulated hurt was too great. I'm still not sure which, and it makes a difference what the answer is. If it's the former--incompatible desires--then there's no use trying after a point. If it's the latter--that there's too much bad blood--then you should try all the time to not build resentment. Tricky.
At the core of all of this is a question I have struggled with all of my life (and I'm sure I'm not the first nor last): How do you know how much work is too much work? I have always been the type to give my relationships everything I've got--to fight against all odds, to make huge sacrifices for boyfriends. I have given up a year of studying abroad in Vienna, my dream city, which I still haven't visited. I have postponed college. I have even considered changing my citizenship (twice) and gone to counseling with partners (three times).
In fact, I am tired of "fighting" for the relationship. Anymore, probably due to my past, I am of the mindset that if a relationship doesn't happen naturally, it shouldn't happen at all, even if there's deep love like with Charlotte and Trey. Hey, they have different goals. They should move on. But is that just lazy? There's a huge part of me that thinks they could have tried harder--that they could have tried to merge their goals in the name of their love. After all, like my mother always says, if you love someone, you will always need to sacrifice. But finding that balance is tough.
And maybe there really are some large life goals that are non-negotiable. For Charlotte, that's having kids. One of the last fights I had with Billy was also over children. He didn't want more kids (remember, he already had one he didn't talk to). I did. You have to know where to draw the line; even if you don't know, you still have to draw it somewhere. Well, there's an argument for knowing (and being honest with) yourself well and good before getting married.
Let me just say that I am glad Hank and I don't have any huge issues. We have little ones. We fight daily or at least every other day, which isn't great. I don't like it. But when all is said and done, we're on the same page about the big things in life, and I don't feel like I'm giving up anything to be with him. I know he feels the same. Now, that's worth fighting for.
I hope you'll be back. I will.
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