"On My Way to Somewhere" is what I'm calling this outfit. It really doesn't matter where you wear it; you're going to look cool. I am told that nude footwear is all the rage this season, but my personal inspiration is Angelina Jolie. I like the dark outfit (at least jeans here) paired with barely there shoes. I also love the vest/tank combo, which I of course didn't invent, but which I haven't really seen explored yet. I think it's a great way to take casual to a whole new level of chic.
The girls participate in the age old debate about whether it's better to use one's heart or head when making big love decisions. Big hunts down Carrie like a mountain lion stalking its prey. When they meet at Aidan's furniture showcase, Big tells Carrie he's leaving his wife. He proceeds to confess his feelings for Carrie, who finally succumbs to his advances by going to bed with him. Charlotte yearns for the perfect proposal from Trey. When it doesn't come, she blurts out that maybe they should get married. When Trey says okay and seals the engagement, she despairs over how unromantic the whole thing was and makes up an alternative story to tell people. Miranda and Steve continue living together after breaking up. Miranda realizes it's finally over when Steve sleeps over at another woman's house. Samantha dates a guy with foul-tasting stuff. No need to say more.
What is it about cheating? That's the question I couldn't stop thinking about after watching this episode. Sure, the heart versus head debate is interesting, and I certainly don't have any answer. (As you probably can guess by now, I think the truth is somewhere in between--a mix of emotions and rationality.) Personally, I think I have always followed my heart, but sometimes I'm not sure if I was really listening to my true emotions regarding the person or the emotions that stemmed from thinking rationally about the relationship. Complicated.
But the cheating thing eats at my mind. The question I specifically couldn't ignore was this: are we all, as a species, inclined to want to cheat, whether we do or not?
Cheating (which we'll define as not being faithful to one mate) takes place in all cultures. In some, like in France or Peru (the only two I know of for sure at this moment) it's accepted as a part of life. In the latter country, there are actually a whole chain of hostels/hotels that cater solely to business men and their mistresses. I think you might actually be considered weird as a man if you're faithful to your wife. In other cultures, cheating in a way is even legally encouraged via polygamy. It's seen as a viable way to increase the number of offspring.
In most cultures, however, monogamy reigns, which is why it's so outrageous when cheating does happen. Watching Carrie and Big, I felt dirty by association. It seemed so wrong, especially with their partners waiting naively at home for them. But it also seemed predictable. Affairs happen in millions of marriages and relationships every day. Even if you never cheat or never want to, you still have to deal with the idea of cheating. You notice a girl or guy is good looking (an initiator for sex, biologically speaking, which can happen daily), but you're married. So the idea either grows--maybe so much so that it leads to cheating--or dies, depending upon you, your situation, and maybe a bit on imagination. But the original idea was still there, no matter how much you may not want it to be.
Of course, SATC would have us believe that Carrie and Big cheated because there is some important relationship between them that cannot be denied. And maybe that's true. Maybe when things are meant to be (the "heart" connection between two people), forces will always be pushing for that connection to be completed--even if both people in question are in relationships with other people. But my head tells me that that's probably not the case most of the time. Most of the time, it's likely plain old sexual attraction to other people that gets in the way of commitment--sexual attraction and circumstance. It seems scarily simple and scarily common.
The other component of this mental mess is this: when a person cheats once, is he or she more prone to cheating again, even in a new relationship? Statistically, the answer is probably yes. There's that old psychology saying, "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." But that's not always the case. Arnold (first fiance) told me that his father cheated so much on his mother during Arnold's childhood, that it was a constant problem for the entire family. The husband of one of his father's mistresses even came close to hiring an assassin to get Arnold's father out of the picture. However, when Arnold's parents got divorced, his father married another of his mistresses who gave him this ultimatum: you ever cheat on me, and you're gone. To everyone's knowledge, he never has, and they are very happy after 20 years of marriage.
Who knows the origins of cheating. I have cheated and been cheated on, many times. I hope I never have to deal with it again. In the end, whether a person cheats or not seems to me to be a matter more of choice than desires. You choose not to hurt the person you're with, the person you love. If you don't love the person enough not to cheat on them, you probably shouldn't be with him or her. But that's just me. And that's if you're in a relationship for love and not other benefits like money or status (which applies to probably more marriages than I care to imagine). Anyway, I can only come up with one definitive truth, after hours of passively and actively thinking about this: the human psyche is a strange and powerful thing.
I hope you'll be back. I will.
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