Day 30: How Complicated is Ex+You?

Oh, these shoes are so beautiful. I have to confess that I copied the front of this month's Glamour magazine for this look. But hey, it was SJP, so it's okay, right? I'm calling it, "Bringing out the Bling." I love the mix of rugged jeans and frilly sparkles for a evening outfit with attitude. Basically, play up all the accessories; make them as loud and big as possible. Keep the jeans tattered, even baggy, rolled up, and ripped if you have them. You can wear a plain, white t-shirt under a sparkly jacket or wear a sequined tank or shirt--just so there's lots of shiny on top. Cute.

So, we're at the end of season two. Of course, all endings have to be dramatic, and this time is no different. Big's engaged to Natasha. Carrie calls him to try to be friends. They meet for lunch, and that's when he tells her. She has a meltdown, but later the two apologize. They go their separate ways. Samantha meets a man whose package is a bit too large even for her. She finds herself missing her ex who had the opposite problem. Miranda sees Steve for the first time since their breakup and runs from him. He confronts her with a house call, inviting her out for a friendly lunch. They sleep together (surprise), deciding they will be friends who have sex. Charlotte sees a horse that looks like one she had as a child, which reminds her of the horrible accident that caused her to leave riding. She decides to get back in the literal saddle and give the sport a second chance.

The grand question here is, "Can you be friends with an ex?" This, I think, depends on the people. I know friends who make it work fine, but others avoid exes like the plague. It's hard to say. To me, the more intriguing question is the one Carrie finds herself preoccupied with: "Why wasn't I the woman for Big?" The answer she and girls come up with actually seems to make some sense for the rest of us, too. They decide that there are two types of women: the simple ones and the complicated ones. Some can be tamed; others run wild and need to be with men who will run with them. (They reference the movie, "The Way We Were" with Barbara Streisand. Samantha has never seen it, which apparently is sacrilegious if you're a thinking, feeling woman. I haven't seen it either. Better get on that.)

Anyway, the theory goes that some men want simple girls, aka they can't handle the complicated, wilder ones. I'm sorry for the one or two men who read this blog, but I have to agree. There are some guys that get scared by anything out of the ordinary, even if that just means having a personality. Sorry, but true. These guys don't like any form of drama at all, whether that be getting angry at them for cheating or just having a life of your own. It's strange, but these men don't seem to mind the "usual" fights over mundane things like watching sports and forgetting to pick up socks, but deeper issues send them into flight mode. I haven't met a lot of these guys (let's face it, they probably all run when they see me coming), but Brad was one such guy.

Remember Brad? The guy who broke up with me right before Hank? Well, here are the reasons I am lumping him into this Man Who Needs Simple Woman category. You can decide if they help to weed out these men from the ones who appreciate complex women.

1. His mother is a preschool teacher. (Yes, I'm judging.)

2. On our first date, when he found out I had been engaged before, he got uncomfortable and joked about running away. There is a double irony here. First, he eventually did just that. Second, he had recently come from an broken engagement himself--one that HE broke off. Go figure.

3. He broke up with me when he was drunk, apparently to avoid real conversation, where I would ask him hard questions like "What are you thinking?" As it was, all he had to was mumble a few "I'm sorry"s into the phone, while I (the complicated woman) got hysterical.

4. He was a jock in high school and never had to work for women. Why would he want to start? 5. His house looked like a Pottery Barn commercial. Even the art was fake.

I'm sure I could go on, but that's a good overview. Yes, I do believe to this day that I was simply too much for him. I say "Fuck" a lot, I love being crazy, and I'm not the type to be happy only being a soccer mom and talking about the weather. I talk about threesomes, for God's sake. Yes, even in the midst of that breakup, I knew things would never work out between Brad and I. Funny thing was that I really didn't want them to. Even though it felt bad to be rejected, I wanted him to find that simple woman who wouldn't make him feel so awkward. I would never be her, and that reality would only have made us both miserable.

Besides, like Carrie, I realized I wanted a man that not only wouldn't be scared of my complexity, but he would thrive on it. Nothing I said would be weird with this guy. He would be up for it all. He wouldn't look at me funny when I got a wild idea in my head. He wouldn't be nervous to introduce me to his parents. In fact, he would think I'm so cool, he'd want to show me off. In short, he'd like me just the way I am. Man, I'm glad I found that guy.

You've heard it said: everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, like with Carrie, it takes the wrong guy introducing you to yourself for you to be able to see who you truly are. Seeing how much it doesn't work with one person gives you the key to understanding how it could work with someone else. It's like Mr. Wrong holds up a mirror in front of you, and you realize that even though he doesn't really like what he sees, you do, and you'll hold out for someone who does too. It's as simple--and as complicated--as that.

Hope you'll be back. I will.