So I am in a better mood today. Why? I couldn't tell you. It certainly isn't because I found a job. Or even a job prospect. I think it may be that I received my copy of THE LUCKY SHOPPING MANUAL in the mail today. And maybe that I ordered pad thai and summer rolls with peanut sauce for dinner.
While scarfing my food and leafing through the guide on wise skirt buying, I started to feel that old familiar feeling crop up. Excitement. It has been a few days now. For the past week, I have devoted each day to a different career field and have spent my time applying for all the positions I qualify for. This translates to spending up to four hours sitting on a couch and barely moving more than one finger (to cut and paste resumes, etc). Fun. I mean FUN. I mean FUN!
My "excitement" these days has consisted of warming up my cold cups of decaf coffee and taking my dog out to poop. The only thing that saved me last week was Hank getting two days off from school due to excessive snow. Even though he was sick, we got to flirt at various times throughout the day and take some walks together. Actually they were like forced marches, with Hank saying, "You know, you're really not supposed to exercise when you're sick, because your cells are focussing on walking instead of beefing up your immune system" or something very close to that. But mostly he was studying, and I was pasting resumes.
Today was different. Maybe Friday always holds a special aura over us while we do mundane tasks. "I am washing dishes...but it's Friday," we think, our minds almost bursting at all the possibilities Friday holds. "I may be broke and jobless, but it's Friday," was today's version. To celebrate Friday, I took a long walk--a four-mile long walk, in fact, because Bela and I got lost and went a mile too far. It was a sunny, slushy day, and my bouncy feeling wasn't even ruined when a Jeep (purposely?) sped through the puddle right next to us spraying muddy crap everywhere. "People can sure be assholes, but it's Friday," I said aloud.
Basically I just said "Screw it" to the job search today. Some days I find it's necessary in order to retain sanity. Since Hank was back at school, I was extra lonely. After four weeks of sitting alone in the house talking to no one but my dog and my mother for eight-hours at a time, my mind starts to do funny things. Today, I actually thought mice had chewed through the wall, because I heard little scratching, tearing noises coming from above the piano. Then I realized that the mirror I put up with industrial strength velcro was just coming off--and was about to fall on the piano in fact--so I fixed that and resumed breathing.
I am trying to get a piece ready to send off for potential publication. I have little hope. But I feel like with certain things it really doesn't matter how much hope you have. You just have to have skill and give it a shot. Better to save the hope for things that are actually probable or don't depend on skill at all, like having a baby someday, which I hope to do.
I'm going to watch a movie. Because I can. So there. I may not have enough money to buy dog food tomorrow, but that is entirely beside the point.
Goodnight. I hope you'll be back. I will.
You should look back at all of your old posts and look for a recurring theme-I think it's fashion! You need to find a job with fashion, and maybe writing (preferably both)! Can't wait to read a new post!
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