Day 78: In the End

These are the Manolo Blahniks that Carrie famously accepted from Big in the first movie in lieu of an engagement ring. I'm not suggesting you wear them without clothes. I am suggesting you wear them (if only virtually) with whatever the hell you want. In the end, good fashion is about tweaking aesthetic "rules" to fit your own lifestyle and personality. As Ralph Waldo Emerson put it, "They think him the best dressed man, whose dress is so fit for his use that you cannot notice or remember to describe it."

"So, you have to try it five times to look like you're not trying." Hank, when he saw me trying to create the perfect cuff on my sweater, which has nothing to do with anything but I just thought was funny--and very true.

For a while there, you may have thought I wasn't coming back to write this final piece. Never fear. I'm back. It has been nearly a week since I saw the most recent SATC film. I think I have been avoiding this post, my reasoning being this: if I don't write it, the project won't officially be over. This kind of thinking is very characteristic to me in general. I hate finishing things and do much better working toward them. This is even more true when I'm doing something I really enjoy. Nevertheless, all good things must come to an end. So it goes, as Billy Joel would say.

Moving on to the film, I must say something right away. It was bad. It was even really bad. I could go on and on about why, but it comes down to one thing: it didn't have charm. And what, friends, is SATC without charm? Lines seemed scripted. Acting seemed forced. Plot was uber weak, even bordering on lame. Heck, the fashion even sucked (sorry, Patricia, but what's with Charlottes red, polka-dotted housedress in the middle of Abu Dhabi...er...Morocco...er where were they again?). The only saving grace was that it was SATC--the same girls (and guys) we have come to care so much about and the situations we can relate to (even if menopause is still, thankfully, a ways away for many of us). I would follow them to the moon, much less the Middle East.

Main event, which you've no doubt by now figured out or read about: The girls get lucky when Samantha lands a comp trip to Abu Dhabi and gets them added on. More about that later, but for now, some background.

Carrie and Big are married, not extremely happily. Not unhappily either. They're coexisting peacefully with each other (a first for the duo). Their biggest problem that takes up a good fifteen minutes of the two-hour movie? Big watches too much T.V. The couple has decided by movie's beginning to not have children, so their task is to figure out how to keep things exciting till death do they part. Big suggests taking two days off from each other during the week, staying at different apartments (Carrie still has her old one, and they have one together) and not talking. Carrie freaks out. Enter trip.

Charlotte loves her husband and their girls, Lily and Rose. She convinces herself she adores everything about motherhood, though she's clearly struggling to stay positive about Rose's constant fussiness. To help out, they've hired a full-time nanny from Ireland. After Samantha makes a comment about how gorgeous the caretaker is, Charlotte becomes paranoid that her husband will cheat. Enter trip.

Samantha is smack dab in the middle of menopause and not afraid to tell the world about it. (I thought only my mother gave monologues on the benefits of natural hormones.) She meets Smith for a screening of his new movie but makes sure everyone including him knows they're not a couple. Enter trip.

Miranda, Steve, and their son, Brady, are getting along just peachy. When Miranda faces a new boss from hell, she quits her job and decides to use the job-searching time to be more present for her family and herself. This includes planning an extensive itinerary for, you guessed it, the trip.

Okay, excursion events. Carrie meets Aidan in the Middle East, which has to be only slightly more likely than winning the lottery. Of course, there is romantic angst there. Of course, Carrie "innocently" goes out with Aidan, sitting too close, and not stopping their inevitable kiss. Of course, she'll feel compelled to confess everything to Big adnd be forgiven ASAP. Of course, Big will forgive her. And, because it's SATC and not the real world, Big will figure out that his T.V. habits are partly to blame for Carrie's straying and buy her the huge diamond she never had. In an unexpected role reversal, Big makes a speech about the importance of commitment. He also makes Carrie recite her vows again and promise to remember she's no longer single. Could this get any less believable?

Charlotte realizes how nice time apart from the kids is and decides to occasionally take some time off to stay at Carrie's old apartment by herself. She also learns that her kids' nanny is a lesbian, squelching any fears of infidelity on the part of her husband. Miranda comes back from the trip relaxed and ready to start work at a new, more low-key law firm that allows her more family time. Samantha, true to form, meets a hot guy in the desert and later rendez-vous with him in New York to screw, because they got arrested in backwards Arabia for making out, naturally. Mixed in between all of these main events, there was a camel ride, a karaoke performance, a chance encounter with Middle Eastern women who secretly read Suzanne Somers and dressed in haute couture (um, yeah), and a LOT of money being thrown around. And by that, I mean money was no object, which, surprisingly, got old.

Now, I have read every magazine article and listened to every radio tidbit about the SATC sequel. I knew that there were no women writers on the show and that it was going to be over-the-top. I knew the fashion was going to be "different." So, fortunately, my expectations were satisfied. And I still enjoyed dressing up in my most glamourous cocktail dress to watch the 4 pm screening. In its defense, the movie really didn't try to hard to be good. Sure, it had some dramatic moments, but they weren't developed much. They seemed sprinkled in just to give the girls some chance to act a little (unless you consider strutting around acting). No, I'm going to wager that above all, SATC 2 tried to be escapist, and it succeeded at that.

So, there isn't much for me to write about. But I will say too important things that came to mind after watching this movie. The first has to do with Carrie and Big. Initially, seeing Big portrayed as a regular family was shocking and absurd. Wasn't he always the commitment-phobe Carrie could barely get to walk down the isle? The one who the girls would make fun of for his womanizing ways? Then it hit me. It was rarely ever Big. I got to thinking about the couple's story, and I started to see the ways in which is was usually Carrie who pulled away.

Sure, in the beginning Big didn't know if he wanted to be exclusive with the quirky gal, but they had only been dating a few months. After that, there were many times he wanted to keep going and Carrie wanted out. When they were sleeping together and cheating on their partners, he was ready to commit to Carrie, and that was a good four years before they got married. After that, he kept trying to call her and reunite. He even bought her a one-way ticket to Napa in case she wanted to go out there to see (or stay?) with him. She never went, and yet she always blamed him for the fact that they weren't together.

Actually, I don't think Big ever said Carrie wasn't the one...just maybe that he wasn't sure yet. Carrie just always needed more than he was ready to give. I'm not blaming the long, tumultuous journey to marriage on the show's leading lady, but it's about time the writers recognized Carrie's insatiable need for drama and excitement--and gave some credit to the show's scapegoat, Big (supposedly standing in for the hard-to-catch man). It's as if everyone's finally recognizing that it may have been Carrie who was always afraid to be tied down.

The second thing that struck me was how true the show's central moral is: that every marriage/relationship is different, and each couple has to find out what works for the two people in it. In the end, Carrie and Big decide to take two days apart during the week, much to the chagrin of Charlotte with her traditional approach to marriage. Later, they figure out that they need fewer and fewer days apart. Stamford, Carrie's best gay friend, marries a man who openly cheats and fully accepts that that will be part of their union. Charlotte prefers the go-to-bed-together-every-night, two-kids-and-a-dog type marriage. Miranda acts as the breadwinner in her relationship, while Steve almost plays a stay-at-home dad, constantly there for Brady when Miranda can't be. He reminds Miranda that family time is important while still accepting her as the alpha figure. Samantha revolts against the whole marriage thing all together. These approaches to relationships couldn't be more varied.

And maybe that's what it all comes down to for everyone: make your relationship what you want. It doesn't matter what people think. It doesn't matter what's "normal." In the end, if it works for both people in the union, it works, period. If I had only learned that ten years ago, I probably would have been a lot less hard on myself about what I wanted and didn't. I spent so much time thinking about who I was going to disappoint if I took a certain action or how I was going to mess up my future. I said "I'm supposed to" to myself a lot. No one's supposed to do anything. There isn't a rule book, thank God. Or, there is, but each person gets to create her own.

Hank is leaving tomorrow for the summer. I don't think I've mentioned that. He'll be working full-time for his parents on a construction project to make some desperately-needed supplemental income. I don't want him to go, but he has to. I know I'm going to miss him every day. However, after watching this film, part of me wonders if the time apart will be healthy, good even. It will give us a chance to regroup with ourselves, give us some time to reflect on future personal goals. It may even have the same effect it did on Big and Carrie--make us realize how important we are to each other (not that we don't know that, but it's easy to not notice when you see the person daily) and make our reunion all the sweeter.

Well, this is goodbye for now. If I start up something new, you, faithful and few readers, will be the first to know. Until then, follow your passions and follow love. If there's anything this project has taught me, it's that.

Day 77: The Short of It

"Great shoes." That's all there is to say about this sassy number.

So, tomorrow is finally here. After today, there's only one more outfit, one more post, and one more reflective piece on a damn good show and all the issues it brings up.

Since I have to get up at 4:30, I'm headed to bed early tonight. Gotta save my energy for an exciting evening. Plus, I'm very tired. I spent most of the day preparing music for the recital, doing laundry and other mundane tasks, and applying to an Assistant Manager position for our store's men's and kids department. My manager came up to me the other day, quite out of the blue, and told me to apply. She said it was a quick move, but she thought I was ready.

48 hours later, my application is out of my hands and into my potential future manager's. I don't know if I'll get the position, don't know if I'll like it, and don't know where it's going to take me. I never thought I'd be working retail. I thought I would have a great job by now that paid more than enough to shop and travel the world. Or at least I would be in grad school on my way to that great job. I've always been big on dreams and short on plans. But maybe I'm getting there still--just not in the way I imagined. I'll find out. And I suppose it could be worse than getting to shop all day, even if you're building someone else's closet instead of yours.

I'm not going to write about the movie much. It's a lot of glitz and drama, not all of it good or bad. Quick overview, though. Carrie and Big decide to get married, and Carrie gets wrapped up in all the details of wedding planning much to dismay of Big (or, should I say, John?). On the big day, he leaves her waiting at the wedding site, saying he can't go through with it. When he tries to change his mind, she beats him with flowers. Flash forward five months of Carrie ignoring his advances and existence, dying her hair auburn, hiring an assistant, remodeling her house, and generally trying to pull herself together. Carrie sees a secret inbox of hundreds of love letters from Big, something her assistant had kept from her (but never deleted) per her request not to hear anything about him. Eventually, the couple reunites in a moving scene that takes place in the huge closet Big built for Carrie. He asks her to marry him, and the two tie the knot in a private, civil ceremony.

Charlotte's adopted daughter, Lily, is growing up. Unexpectedly, Charlotte gets pregnant and has another baby girl, Rose. Samantha has moved to L. A. to live with Smith, but she's tiring of it. His career and social circle is growing while hers is shrinking. In the end, she says a peaceful but difficult goodbye to Smith and moves back to where she's most comfortable, New York City. Miranda and Steve's married life is void of sex. When Steve sleeps with another woman, Miranda vows never to forgive him and moves out. Eventually, after a miserable six months, she decides they can try therapy and the couple gets back together, forgetting about the past.

Okay, it must be said that this movie is the length of six episodes. I am feeling overwhelmed. It also must be said that the writers of said movie have included as many plot twists, cliches, crazy fashion, poignant moments, and heavy topics as is humanly possible. So I'm not going to write about any of it. I am going to go to bed. It's where I belong right now, second-to-last post or not.

I hope you'll be back. I will. But even more than that, I hope you'll be watching the movie with me tomorrow or, if not, just enjoying life. After all, it's what the girls would want.

Day 76: A Non-Reflection, Otherwise Known as the Original

Now this is an outfit that is something I would love to wear--and might someday soon. I am obsessed with these pants from J. Crew. Next month they will be eating up my retail budget. I just can't wait any longer. And, because of Hank, I now have this bag and love it even more in person than in a silly picture. The bracelet, necklace, and tank are pretty basic and can be substituted by cheaper versions. As for the shoes, well, I'll make due without them for now, but they will soon be on my list, although maybe in a warmer color. And any number of shoes would work just fine with this outfit--just keep them heeled and open but not too delicate. Because of its aura of easy glamour, we'll call this one, "Just an Extraordinary Day."

Well, we’re down to three posts, and two of them are going to happen today. By Saturday, I will be finished with a project that has taken almost as long as a full-term pregnancy to be be completed. I realize this may not be as heart-breaking for the few readers I have as it is to me. For me, the end of this project will feel like a huge absence of something. What will I do with the hundreds of pictures of jewelry and shoes that have become my palette for painting my favorite kind of landscape—that of clothing on the human form? I can’t even touch them. Sure I can look at them and combine them once in a while, but it won’t be the same. They won’t come alive as they do now. I knew I should never have picked Neil Halstead for the soundtrack to today’s writing session. Is any music more depressing? Changing it. Considering keeping it. I don’t think it’s the music. It’s me.

So, synopsis. Carrie moves to Paris to be with Petrovsky. Before she does, Big comes to New York to beg her to give him another, final chance. She, of course, refuses and tells him to stay out of her life all together. In Paris, things don’t go according to fantasy. The Russian is preoccupied with his art and career, leaving Carrie to wander the city alone, speaking to people in what little French she knows. Eventually, she realizes she will always be second to her beau and leaves him—just in time to see Big waltzing through her Paris hotel’s door to bring her back home. Big tells her she’s the one and always was.

Charlotte and Harry finally hear from the Chinese adoption agency that informs them they have a little girl on the way. Charlotte’s scene, again, is so moving you’d have to have a heart of stone not to cry with her. Samantha’s sex drive is down because of the chemo, and Smith is leaving to shoot a movie in Canada. She tells him to feel free to have sex while there, though he refuses. While he’s gone, she realizes she isn’t okay with him sleeping with someone else either, which tells her something about how seriously she feels about him. He comes back early to tell her he loves her. Miranda surprises Steve when she suggests his ailing mother comes to live with them and surprises herself when she cares for her in-law as she would her own mother. The three girls all take part in telling Big to go to Paris to get Carrie.

Pretty dang romantic stuff. Now, I am not going to bore everyone by talking about how I, too, know what it’s like to move to a foreign country for someone and have it all go to hell—especially when you have no one like Big to immediately pick up the pieces and bring you home. I had to do go through it alone. True, I met Jorge, which made the pain easier. But that only happened after three weeks of feeling utterly fucked. It took many days of just laying for hours in my rented hotel room, listening to stray dogs wailing outside; writing when it was all I could think of to do; calling my dad bawling and hearing him say to hang in there; trying to learn more Spanish so that I could order dinner; and avoiding everything that had to do with Billy, which was a lot in a small, mountain town. It wasn't fun, but I won't talk about that anymore.

I will not talk about how you can be in a room full of your exotic boyfriend’s friends and feel more isolated than you ever have in your life. I won’t mention how disappointed you feel when you see the person you gave up everything for change right before your eyes. I won’t talk about the calls home, trying to explain the situation in a way that doesn’t betray your fear and said disappointment—and especially doesn’t force you to admit you were wrong about everything. I’m not going to talk about these things, because they don’t matter. They’re what it takes to make you recognize that you’re strong. I’ve already talked about this.

I certainly don’t want to talk about how important it is to have friends to come back to—even if your best friends are two sisters who have seen you through everything and always seem to see the best in you. Or how you can’t give up yourself for someone else. It never works. Carrie left her laptop at home. I left the piano. Sure she could use the Russian’s if she wanted, just like I found a place to practice, but they weren’t our souls. Our souls were at home, where we left them.

I won’t speak about the importance of letting people be who they are, even if that’s not who you want them to be. Carrie was much better at letting go than I was. What took her five minutes to do took me months. I kept fighting the Billy I started discovering once I lived with him in favor of the one I barely knew and moved for. I didn’t want to accept his lifestyle, his values, him. Why couldn’t he just mold into the image I had of him and us as a couple? But I’m not talking about that.

Or about the fact that just because something is new and exciting doesn’t mean it’s better than something steadfast and simple. A glittery shoe won’t hold up very well in the rain, nor will it take you many miles, even if it’s cute and provides you a few moments of intense happiness. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t buy it. It means you should buy it knowing full well what it is and isn’t. And what it can do and can’t. But we’re not talking about shoes.

I don’t want to ramble on about following your intuition, even if it tells you to run the other direction from what you thought you wanted. If it speaks to you, listen. Listen and respect. Don’t look back. Don’t wonder, “What if…?” “What if…?” is only a game of the imagination and not to be taken seriously. “What if…?” isn’t life. It’s boredom. When your heart tells you to run, you run. When it doesn’t, you don’t. Sometimes, that’s the best you can do. And after all you’ve been through, there are things—like a playful and furry Wheaten Terrier and a loving and sensitive man—that remind you of all the joy in the world and how much left of it there is to discover. But that’s another topic for another time.

No, right now I want to talk about life. But I already have.

I hope you’ll be back. I will.